


A Piss In Time

by ystvF4n



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:46:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23991010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ystvF4n/pseuds/ystvF4n
Summary: Jacob Boyle finally gets to meet the Doctor, but his adventure isn't quite what he expected





	A Piss In Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caro P.V.](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Caro+P.V.).



> Hi guys! This one is a comission so a bit different to the usual fare, but hope you enjoy!

“Ayup bugalug, can you give me a hand here?”

You can almost see the giant exclamation point glowing red and hovering over Jacob’s head as he violently turns to face that voice he knows so well

“J-j-jodie Whittaker! What are you doing here?”

“Jurdie? ‘Oo’s Jurdie? D’you mean me?” 

Jacob knods his head silently, his mouth stlil slightly agape.

“Well, I think you have me confused for someone else love. You can call me The Doctor.”

Jacob’s jaw slacks more, and he can feel that his mouth is even drier than if he had eaten a handful of crackers baring the same name as himself and had failed to prepare a glass of water to wash them down with! Could it be true? Or is this just a Jodie Whittiker look-a-like a troublesome friend hired as a stripped for his birthday, which is today?

“Quick, look, this might not make much sense right now, but the world is about to end, right? And you’re the only one who can stop it!” exclaims the person who looks like Jurdie. She slips her hand into her pocket, pulling out a big old stick with a bunch of doo-dads glued on. Jacob recognises it immediately! The Sonic-Screwdriver. He can tell because it has a Sonic the Hedgehog logo stencilled on the side.

Jodie takes the sonic screwdriver and magics a blue 4 meter by 4 meter tarpaulin onto the floor. Now he knows it’s real. Chibnall has completely fucked the canon again. It takes all his energy not to open up twitter and soak up the angry fan reactions. Oh man, it feels soo good to feel the angry fan reactions. But currently, there are more pressing concerns.

“Quickly now! Lie down!”

Before he knows that’s going on he’s sat on the tarp, being pushed gently down by the Time Lord’s soft hand upon his shoulder.

“No time to explain!” Cries Jodie as she hitches her Timey Wimey branded knickers down around her knees, but not a centimetre lower. She perches gently above Jacob and says “I’m sorry for this, lovely, it’s the Daleks fault, it’s got to be done” as a yellow stream of dehydrated Time Lord piss slashes over his Jeff Goldblum shirt, dark patches widening, Jeff’s grin never faltering. Jacob manages to close his slacked jaw as the shock begins to subside, but not before one of the droplets of piss, ricocheting off his body and pitter-pattering on lands dangerously close to his lips. 

What felt like an eternity slowly comes to an end, the warmth of Jodie’s stream fading, but never that of her smile, as she made reassuring eye contact with Jacob the entire time. She stands up straight, pulling up her knickers, which is very quick because they were just around her knees. Sadly they are a bit wet because it’s hard to piss with your underwear around your knees and it makes no sense. 

“I’m really sorry about all that pissing lovey” says the Doctor as she takes Jacob by the hand and lifts him up. “Old Galifreyan pissing lore”. She hands him a towel. “Cuppa tea? I think I’ve got some Yorkshuh in’t Tardis” 

“No thank you, the piss was good enough for me”

“Really? I thought piss would be a bit unpleasant for you”

“No” replies Jacob, unable to contain his wide grin, his voice laced with joy ‘No, it’s  _ actually _ really good, actually.”


End file.
